How-ZIT

Guess who has press tickets to John Cleese's Alimony Tour tonight! Childhood memories of hyperventilating to Fawlty Towers and A Fish Called Wanda are flooding back as I consume my football-sized friday breakfast treat – a pain au chocolat fresh from the Carlucci's oven. Now have chocolate all over keyboard. And face. Not good for face considering I currently look like a 'before' shot on a Roaccutane pamphlet...

Was halfway through watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre when realised my skin bares a remarkable resemblance to the murderer's and promptly rang up my dermatologist in Joburg. (I refuse to find one here because no one could ever possibly be as bodacious as this guy.)

Dermo: What can I do for you, Olive?
Me: My face is erupting!!! I have Dante's Peaks everywhere!
Dermo: I'm sure you don't...
Me: Well then why did someone in the street shout to me, 'Did someone order pizza?'
Dermo: Ok, relax... Have you been stressed?
Me: If you had GodZITllas on your face, wouldn't you be stressed?
Dermo: Ok, send me photos. I can't do anything unless I see it for myself.
Me: Photos?!?! The lens will blow up!
Dermo: Just get them to me...

Spent next 20 minutes in bathroom at work taking snapshots of the minefield that is my face, praying no one walk in and catch me, and praying more than no one EVER EVER see said snapshots.
Then sent off email with attachments to Dermo.

Me: And?
Dermo: Well it doesn't look good.
Me: No shit, Sherlock!
Dermo: Do you want to go on a mild antibiotic?
Me: Can I drink?
Dermo: Better if you don't.
Me: Then no. What are the other options?
Dermo: A topical antibiotic?
Me: GIMME!

Within 5 minutes, I had a fax in my hands with a free prescription. Not sure it was inappropriate or maybe a tad OTT but sent lovely Dermo a little thank you email:

You're the best dermo in all the land. I shall never ever go
to another one, not for all the zit creams in the world.

You always get it SPOT on.

Yours in repugnant skin ailments,

Olive

I didn't get a reply.