A mothful

Was lying peacefully under gale-force-winds fan on my couch last night (suffering from significant Sunday Blues after Cape Town Tens), in minimal clothing due to life-threatening heatwave, watching Downton Abbey (new favourite series) and scoffing down a Steers chocolate-and-caramel soft serve... when Mothzilla (directly proportionate to the size of a small albatross) flew in front on my fan and was blasted directly into my face! Of course, anyone's natural reaction would be to FREAK OUT COMPLETELY, THROW ICE CREAM ACROSS ROOM, PULL OFF VEST, MANICALLY SHAKE HEAD INCASE MOTH STUCK IN HAIR, RUN AROUND TOPLESS SPITTING OUT MOTH-WING DUST AND SLAPPING SELF RETARDEDLY INCASE MOTH FEEDING ON SKIN...

...Until finally coming to a halt and seeing giant human-eating Moth-ness Monster drowning in pool of runny icecream and chocolate sauce on carpet.

And yes, the neighbours were watching. Again.

The Naked Truth

It's official. Each and every person in the block of flats opposite me has now seen me naked.

Not something I particularly wanted to happen. But something that had to happen, given this unbearable heatwave that has recently struck the Mother City.

Not that open windows actually help – but when you don't possess the luxury of aircon in your flat and can only boast a medium sized fan... well, you need to keep open any possible portal to the outside world... Just in case, by some confounding miracle, a small breeze happens to waft through, to temporarily alleviate what has now become a consistent state of perspiration.

Ergo, I keep my windows wide open, curtains wide open, front door wide open... And due to the fact that I find it inconceivable and profoundly challenging to wear clothing in this heat, I wander about my flat the way God intended, totally ignorant to any possible onlookers from the opposite building.

This was until last week, early evening, when I was – once again – naked, bending over (as you do) to apply moisturiser to my (very tanned, even though I say so myself) legs, while standing directly in front of the fan... when I became aware of a faint giggle in the background.

I stood up.

And there, on a balcony opposite, I spotted two boys, leisurely kicking back on deck chairs, eating from what could only be a bowl of popcorn, (one was even wearing his glasses!), and watching the whole show, high fiving one another at regular intervals.

CRAP

Instead of instinctly doing what any normal chick would do – grab a nearby item of clothing, book, photo frame, anything to cover self, or at least run the opposite way to the bathroom to find suitable attire – the only thing I simply HAD to do, in my mind, was to close the curtains... so I deemed it appropriate to run straight up to the window, consequently giving them a full frontal, just before I pulled the curtains closed and was enshrouded in darkness.

Their laughter rang out as I slunk to the floor and my room slowly morphed into Inferno.

Suddenly, phone rings. It's Vivi&Lola

Vivi&Lola: Hi Plum!
Olive: Shhhhhhh
Vivi&Lola: What on earth are you doing?
Olive: Can't talk.
Vivi&Lola: Are you alright?
Olive: Naked.
Vivi&Lola: WHAT?
Olive: Hiding.
Vivi&Lola: Where?!
Olive: They saw me naked!
Vivi&Lola: WHO saw you naked?
Olive: The men.
Vivi&Lola: Are you ok? Should I call the police? Should I come over?
Olive: Will you bring a few extra fans? I'm gonna need them.