Every morning, I wake up at 5am. On the dot. I usually fall asleep again, if I don't have too much racing through my mind. But the primary reason I wake up is because I'm quite sure there is some form of Bird Boardroom outside my window, where every winged creature in Cape Town gathers at 5am to discuss politics… or worms… or just with the sole sadistic purpose of making sure I am awake with their incessant chirping. So this morning, at 5am, as usual, I was startled awake by my feathered friends. Felt SO exhausted I didn't want to open my eyes and was determined to fall back to sleep.
I just reeeeeeeally needed a sip of water.
Nothing to it.
So, without rolling over, or opening my eyes, I reached behind me, felt for the bottle of water on my bedside table, took a swig then placed it back.
Except that the bottle of water never saw the bedside table.
Rather, I had 'strategically' placed it back in mid air and it landed, nozzle down, in my handbag (which just so happened to be wide open on the floor next to my bed).
Awesome.
"FINE. I'm AWAKE!" I screamed at the stupid birds, slamming the window. "I hope you fly into a propeller."
Flipped on light switch and tipped handbag upside down, the contents of which came pouring out in a waterfall of Valpre. Raced to get a towel to soak up swimming pool on bedroom floor and had to sit for the next 20 minutes drying everything from my wallet, phone and lipglosses, to hardrive, receipts, pills and make-up. Then hung handbag inside out near the heater.
So now I was WIDE awake.
The birds, who had obviously realised their work here was done, had shut up and f***ed off, and I was left alone, in silence, with 3 hours to go till work, the contents of my handbag spread out across the floor to dry.
*Drums finger nails on bedside table*
I hate birds.
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